by Wanda June Hill on Mon Aug 06, 2007 2:02 pm
Yes that writing is very sad and it hurts to think he was so alone yet he was glad they had all left him so he could be alone...and didn't have to pretend and keep up that smile etc:. So much he carried by himself-thank heaven he did have hope in God and could let his feelings show. He wrote things because he couldn't say them to anyone I think, but it let him "hear" his thoughts by reading it on paper. That does help, to put things on paper so you can see them and "hear" them in your mind. It helped me this past two years, alot. And he knew that too. I think that is why he wanted to talk to people he didn't have to see everyday-he didn't have to keep that smile on his face and it gave him a sense of relief perhaps, and for that I am glad I took the time to listen and let him "jus' talk 'bout things". He just wanted to hear himself thinking out loud, to know what was on his mind and he said, it helped. I know there was probably a lot of things, maybe tons of them, that he did not talk to me about-or even mention but I hope that he felt better when he did say something, and I tried to make him laugh more than anything else. I couldn't tell him what to do, in fact he didn't want that. But I could make him laugh and I could listen...and I did tell him he needed medical help now and then, babied him alot and he kind of liked that at times. He was a big kid, I think he didn't really get past 15 or 16 years as far as emotionally in many ways-it was only through having his feelings and heart stepped on, he learned to be more closed up and to just play it funny and be the clown and that way he didn't have to be a "grown up" so often. I really think some people don't grow up totally, they just work hard to play the role they think means they are adults-but inside they stay young and vunerable and he was one of them. Maybe those kind are the special people in this world. wjh
Wanda June Hill
author of "We Remember, Elvis" & "Elvis - Face to Face"