Elvis - A Lighted Candle

[Rainbow Light]

Q: What's something you did to build discipline-other than Karate?
Elvis: I forced myself to conform to things that I might not want or like - in order to learn concentration and patience. In order to control and build the will one must control the self - the willfulness of self, the desire of self, the irrational self - and to do that one must use strict measures at times. at the same time one has to learn who one is, what one is, and why one is that person. In my own case, I had too much praise, too much flattery and fawning over and I needed to remember me - who I was, where I came from. I especially needed a reminder so i chose to do it with something I needed daily and also
looked forward to having -my meals - food, if you will. I would find a meal that I especially enjoyed and force myself to eat it until it was distasteful, then I kept on eating it. At times for weeks - in order to teach myself discipline, steady control of one of our strong appetites - also a necessity to life. When I learned to overcome my own cravings, I'd change, but not until I felt I needed a reward for my control. Maybe that sounds silly or a bit crazy to you, but it worked for me.
Q: And you ate awful things or favorite things in that way?
Elvis: I loved pork chops, gravy and such - I still do, but only as a treat now. I ate them until they almost ran out my ears - but it taught me control. An' meatloaf, think I told you 'bout my Aunt's family. It was a kind of penance, but also a strong lesson in discipline, reminding me where I came from, so I don't get too big for my britches 'n make an ass of myself. I'm a strong will an' need a heavy hand to control- an' I have to do it-no one else will. As far as awful- it was by then; didn't eat none for a while!
Q: So do you do the same with other appetites...if that's the right word for them all?
Elvis: (soft snicker) Uh-huh, I do. Like once for more'n a year, but that was a time of of emotional healing, somethin' I sorely needed to come to grips with -and did
finally though sometimes have a hard time keepin' the lid on an' fallin' back in that pit of gloom 'an doom as Tom says.
Q: Okay, did you reward your self then?
Elvis: Ummmm guess you'll think somethin' else if I don't say ...it sort of was a surprise, an' most welcome one but I'm not gonna talk about it now. Ask me 'gain sometime.

Excerpts from taped conversations. Wanda June


The year 1976-1977
It came out when I was doiing the question thing for the interview and he'd get off onto other subjects this being one of them. There were things that were being spread about about that up coming book and how he was so fixated on things, like eating the same thing for days and no one wanting to be around or smell whatever it was. and how he did things over and over until he was crazy etc:...but he didn't bother to explain to them, he just did whatever it was and his reasons made perfect sense if he did tell you what they were. His guys always seemed to take it as if he was not quite all together mentally at times. Elvis wasn't like them...or anyone else I'd say, he was pretty different and sometimes I thought maybe it was just that he didn't mature...that he was kind of like a child in an adult body doing the best he could to handle things and if he hadn't been who he became, he might have led a ver simple lilfe, possibley as a gospel singer or preacher or both...he was quite child like in the way he saw things, though he did get wiser and more able to see movitves behind words as he put it. He was less trusting yet still prefered to trust and believe. It really bothered him when he thought he liked someone and then the turned out to be not what they appeared and to have ulterior motives. He always was hurt, like a little kid who was made a promise and then the promise was broken and he was let down. His face was like amirror most of the time, every thing he felt was there, in his eyes, on his face and just open to what ever but then when he was with some people he was very closed up, cold and careful what he said-I could easily tell if he liked whom ever he was talking to or not...his eyes changed and that innocent little boy look disappeared. wjh


Him or Elvis
Right Sue, he had to learn that the hard way early on, and I guess his feelings were hurt quite a bit back in those early days when people didn't understand him or what he was trying to say or do. I think thats why he felt his mother was the only one who understood-he spent more time with her than anyone else growing up/
and she did understand him...and he her. He truly had a young childs spirit and inner self-and when he got hurt enough, he closed that up and didn't show his feelings, he played a role and said what he thought people wanted to hear from him. He said when he saw himself performing on stage in Vegas, the shows that were taped, and he saw them right afterward, "it didn't feel like that was me up there, it was somebody else, an' I don't know him." That gave me chills because of the way he said it, the tone of voice, the bewilderment behind those words as he was so serious, sincere and questioning that he didn't recognize himself doing that.
But he got over it I guess, he must have accepted it and he did change some of his actions and moves a little but not so much it showed alot. It just looked as though he was "getting used to doing things up there" and was more spontaneous and controled. I don't know why he thought he had to exercise everyday because he sure did enough of that on stage-Karate and all! But he did, he worked out at least an hour a day and usually longer
plus he played sports when he could and rode a statinery bike and did all kinds of situps, pushups and stretches as well. I sure like that picture above your posts! In his top coat "duster" and looking good. wjh


Accents
When Elvis started out performing and then went to Hollywood for the screen test, he was thought to be very backward, ignorant and all because he was very shy, he spoke with that little stutter when nervous and if really nervous it got worse...he said he had to stop and count to 3 between words that he'd stumble over so he got interrupted alot...by those people who talked so fast he had trouble hearing them and he said, "an' I got good ears too" like he couldn't believe anyone could talk that fast. And he did have that negro accent-he grew up with them, played with them, and lived with them all around during his formative years-so naturally he spoke their language and had their style...in mannerisums and movements. it was natural to him, nothing affected at all. But he was put down for being natural, for having such a thick accent and he had to fix it for the movies.
Plus he couldn't be understood when interviewd at first so he had already got some help with that, he wanted to talk properly so people wouldn't think he was stupid or dumb. He said sometimes he wouldn't have a dry thread on him before he ever got on stage because he was having to talk to strangers...reporters etc: and that the Col. had given him strict instructions on what to say and when, but sometimes they asked questions that he didn't have on the "list" and when he was truthful, it got turned around into something dirty or worse. (I always wanted to ask him what "worse" was, but never did)
Elvis could laspe back into the southern talk easily and did when with his friends. When I first heard myself on tape I was horrified and immediately began to "fix" my own drawl and southern talking because no one we were meeting in Ca. had that kind of accent. So I got rid of mine pretty fast and Elvis noticed right away-he wasn't so sure he liked it but then he understood that you do what is right for where you live to get along. He still liked to hear the old speech sometimes and we'd do that just to be funny. He was very black sounding when he wanted to be...he sure did know the lingo...some of it right off the streets of LA too! Half the things he came up with I didn't have a clue what they meant until he told me and then we'd laugh. But he played ball with some black guys at the park sometimes and he went into their areas and played basket ball a few times-he did that in Memphis also. He liked being around them because he grew up with them around him. They were his playmates and friends from the time he was small. I asked him if he had ever dated a black girl and he never did tell me yes or no... when I read Myrna's bit on Elvis2001 interview, it was so touching how she told that when he danced with her he was trembling and she didn't think he had ever danced with a black girl before.
She wanted to grab him and hug him. He always liked her and said nice things and that he thought she was very intelligent, and a nice young lady. He also thought she was beautiful... I can easily see him not wanting her to think he was dumb or something and being nervous dancing with her and probably trying to think of something to say that would be "intelligent" too. He sure wouldn't want to do something stupid in front of her. (Elvis, much later in our friendship, did say that he had dated black women, a few times but nothing serious came of it. Also Asian women. He just liked women. Period.)wjh


sweet talking dude
He sure could let it slip when ever he felt it and yes he tried hard to speak perfectly. After all, he had stuttered as a child, into his teens and said that singing helped him over come that, and then learning that no one was going to bite him after all, meaning jump on his case some way just because he was shy etc:. And he said he learned to be brave though sometimes it took everything "in me to take that first step forward gettin' on that stage" and then he's usually say, "and I loved it, being out there-it was just getting there that did it to me." He said his mother sat him down when he was 19 and told him he would be meeting many kinds of people, and to listen carefully to what they were saying and if it felt wrong don't get involved, if it felt right to his heart then things would be okay. Something about letting his heart guide him if his head wasn't sure. I don't have that written down anywhere I could put my fingers on it but I remember him talking about there were so many people trying to tell him what to do and how to do things he was so confused he just went home and lay in his bed and cried because he couldn't understand why they were all telling him so many different things. So he stayed home for a few days and talked with his momma who made it make sense for him.
It's that little boy charm, that sweet honey drawl that sneaks out here and there and the sky blue eyes, then there's that smile and the giggle and laugh...oh good grief even, what the heck! It's the whole Southern package and he came loaded with it...wjh

[Rainbow Light]

Wanda: Do you get tired of being "hit on"?
Elivs: Eh---that's a loaded question! I could make a lot of females angry right here now. Maybe we'd best skip that one!
W: You think so-huh?
E: I know so! I know so!
W: Chicken.
E: Hey-you know I do-so don't say that!
W: I won't...and yes, I know you must. Just one more-what REALLY tuns you off about...the women who hit on you?
E: Well, what really does it...eh...I guess, guess it'd have to be...the ones who are...unlady l ike about it...you know, they com around lookin' so fine, 'n then start sayin' things that'd curdle milk, you know? One time this woman...she was the wife of some...eh...city official where we were playing...'n she started comin' on to me right in front of Daddy...An we're standin' there 'n she's all over me, talkin' in my ear and sayin' things loud enough he was hearin' it. He was lookin' at me 'n I'm lookin' at him see, n' so I jus' turned her 'round and shoved her toward him an' walked off fast. Man, it was funny! Should of seen the look on his face!

"Cilla" what he said to the press and others

"I was very lucky when I met her-it was-was special, something that I never expected or forgot about. She was very young-15 years old and...yet very mature and confidant and...an' she walked in an' my heart went...
ZING!" (lLaughs softly, snickers)

"I didn't expect to have this happen at that time-no. But then as we talked, she wrote to me, an' I phoned her-and time passed. She came over to visit and we became friends first, an' then fell in love. That's the only way it will work, you have to be friends-to like each other, and otherwise that attraction, the thing we call love, won't last. It can't because as time passes, people change and if there isn't a feeling of liking, of truly caring and liking that person, then you won't like the changes, or else they won't like yours-its a tolerance that grows, matures along with liking individual-love stays then because the foundation is present-that is my belief."

giving up on life-
Hi, I think he didn't actually give up on life-he had hope of having more children, having a happy marriage but he soon realized his career had so obsorbed his life, so limited his ability to be "normal" and that it would be too difficult for any woman to put up with and be happy. He thought too, that if he waited his wife would learn what it was like "out there" and want to return to him, he had hope he could get out of that kind of life, that when it was said and done, he would have more time. He talked of that, of making movies again so he'd have a better chance for a schedule that would give him a home life with family, but that soon proved just a dream. If his health had been properly cared for, and there could have been other doctors but too late he tried to get a grip on it and there wasn't anything else he would do or could do at that point so he just gave it all he had and took the blows that came one after another about how he looked, etc: and other things. I know he knew was going to die soon-even if I didn't hear him say it, it was pretty obvious by his appearance and the fact he made out a will-legally and that was so unusual for him-he who was so full of life and energy most of his life-I think he had been told the truth by some doctor he believed in and that was what he wanted to hear at that point, not lies and drugs that temporarily made him feel good-and killed him slowly. I can't say for sure what went on, but I have ideas about it-that's all. Only Elvis knew and he didn't reveal everything to anyone apparently. He stood like the oak he tried to be and took whatever came his way with graceful bending and weaving like those trees do in any storm. Finally, though even oak trees will uproot if they are watered too much-and Elvis had a million plus tears all over the world shed for him and even his own-before he died as well as after and still we cry. He loved life, his life for so long, and he gave it all to us-forever while we live and I think we'll see him when we die...he promised. He kept his word and he didn't lie. Wjh


movies .....
He was talking about making movies and forming his own company to do it-not formula type movies as he had been doing in the past. But real, good movies that told a story and gave people something back. The first one was to be on Karate-I have no idea what or how but he was excited about it and said, you'll have to see it and then you'll understand-I can't tell you now. So it was in the works, but never got done due to his health. He wanted to have the choice of where to sing, and when, he wanted to sing in smaller arenas, wanted to go to Europe and perform, wanted to be able to choose where and when...like anyone would. But he wasn't able to do that and those around him, if you read Maia's report on her last concert in Vegas August 75, you will see that many of the people around him, his friends, were more into drinking, partying and having their type of fun while Elvis was either sleeping in his room or trying to feel better to get up and work on stage. He shouldn't hve been there-he was ill and yet he couldn't cancel it-and he had to do it-finally he was too ill to work and was taken to the hospital-but he finished that gig and did double shows and triple shows to do it. Sure he felt badly that fans had their shows cancelled and some were mad at him for that, but he tried so hard to do it-he couldn't breathe, his colon was swollen, wasn't working and he couldn't get any air to sing plus it hurt- he went off stage several times when we saw him, stayed a few moments and then returned-some said he was vomiting, and he did that one night we saw him and some say he went back and bent over double in pain and a doctor quickly injected him with something-probably some kind of pain killer or muscle relaxer-right into his left abdomen under his ribs. The one who told me that was standing near and said the needle was the longest damn thing he'd ever seen used and it went into Elvis' gut -probably the muscles around his transverse colon where the problem tended to be. Elvis will be doing what he wants now, he's visiting people who need him and he will comfort those who want it from him. Sometimes if you try to make something happen, it never does. it's best to take it slow and relax and just think, tonight I will be so happy and wake up tomorrow and remember my dreams with joy and if Elvis comes in my dreames, I will remember.
Sometimes we don't remember-because we try to hard to do so. I always dream of things if I don't try-I haven't of him a in while-but I know he's very busy with others...so many need his help and that's what he was here for-to bring help, joy, love and happiness with his talents, his tenderness and his sense of humor. Wjh


dreams
Deborah, that was a great dream actually- the dream book I used to have I remember it said that "baking things or cooking things" in dreams usually means the process of thinking, learning and investigating something important-something you can control by "making it happen" in your thoughts and actions. So, in the dream you were doing what you are doing-finding out as much as possible about Elvis-who was in your dream saying he "liked everything" because he would-he would want you and others to "find out" what he was about and to learn things through him and with him-for that was his purpose he said, "to reach people, to give them happiness and joy and rest from everyday things-" so that dream book may have "hit it right on the head"?
You think? wjh

[Rainbow Light]

W. So what you're saying, women have always been a big influence on you?
Elvis: It's true for every man-women give us life, take care of us, teach us-then they cut us loose to make it on our own. 'n we spend our time tryin' to find a replacement for all that-really.
W. Okay-so you guys are looking for a replica of your-mother?
Elvis: NO...that's not what I said! We're lookin' for a woman who will take care of us, teach us from her perspective and help us make it out there in the big world. Understand?
W: And you think they or women in general fulfill that need?
Elvis: They fill a need...all right! (Snickers) An' we got that-lordy do we!
W: Yeah-so you say. And after all this time, you're still looking?
Elvis: Now..guess so, but...don't think that's going to be my reason though...
W: Un-huh...so now it's going to be fun and games for Elvis-right?
Elvis: I like women...just' don't want to...to..commit to anyone for ever-not again. Learned my lesson well. Don't need to have anyone tryin' to re-educate me at this point in my life. Man, got to much to do, think about an' actually, it's kinda nice not to have those worries any more. Got my baby when I have time-'n that's all I need. Gonna just spend my time takin' care of her, teachin' her an' having fun with her. Gawd, she's my life, damn it, my whole life an' wouldn't want it any other way! No man, she's so-so precious an' I'm so-fxxx'n lucky to have her!
W: She sure looks like you-more and more-put your stamp on that one buddy!
Elvis: Think so...really?
W: Really...reallly!
Elvis: Daddy thinks so too...(sounds pleased as punch) can see she's startin to look a little more like me...it's the eyes an' the way she kinda turns her head sometimes. But she looks like her momma-I see it.
W: I think as she grows she'll look more like you-it's there and it's taking over.
Elvis: Good! 'Cilla asked me to get a divorce...
W: Recently?
Elvis: Yeah-talked to John about it 'n guess we'll have some kinda papers to sign an' then that'll do it. Jus' gonna let her have whatever the court says...just want Lisa able to come when I have the time...ya know.
W: That's good, it should be 50-50 and you should have it specified exactly...I know that from the office.
Elvis: That's what he said too, but she'll be fair. God, never thought it'd have to be this way. She's gonna find out it's not so easy on her own. Maybe need to let her fall on her face a few times, got to learn ya know.
W: That's right-you can't always run to pick her up either, Elvis. Not to tell you what to do, but that's my opinion. She wants freedom to make her own mistakes, let her.
Elvis: It's not going to be easy-gonna let her think about it for a while, then see if she really wants to be divorced-don't think she realizes that cuts her off from ever thing except what the court gives her. I'm not gonna be standing behind her any more. That's what she thinks she wants-freedom. Gawd...didn't know bein' married to me was a-a fxxxx'n prison but guess that's how it seemed. I'm a damn stupid fool-blind, that's it-just blinded by ma self an' what's goin' on 'round me. She said I was blinded by the spotlights an' the gleam in women's eyes lookin' at me. Maybe she's right.
W: You think so-I don't.
Elvis: Really...me neither. Sure-like to see them laughin' an' gettin' excited when I'm doin' my thing for them up there...but it's not like that really. It's just all in fun...ya know, always was. Course some times there's one out there that...spins my head an sure, like to meet them. But that's fun too...nothing serious an' the women know that from the start. They make the call-not me. I just let them decide an so don't think thats...eh...takin' advantage of...or usin' them 'cause I can. Is it?
W: Not really-especially from your point of view.They are afterall adults and should realize what they're doing. I've seen enough, heard them talking long enough to understand what's going on. They all seem to have the same thing in mind-they want to meet you, want you to notice them and they want to be with you. And most of them don't care if it's just a one-night stand. It's the idea that gets them.
Elvis: Oh...I thought it was my...good looks 'n sex appeal. (Snickers)
W: It is that-all right, but they see the image, the myth up on that stage-because that's what you present to them-I've seen you picking out certain types to play to-can't deny that boy!
Elvis: (Laughs) Sure-don't deny it! That's part of the show-I use it-but it's innocent fun...off stage I'm not makin' those moves...really.
W: Some people don't see the difference though-to them you are that guy-day and night.
Elvis: Tell you a secret-for them, I am! (Laughs)
W: Gets you in trouble sometimes-huh?
Elvis: Like that kind of trouble-(Snickers) some times-other times it's borin' as hell.
W: Truth comes out-he gets bored.
Elvis: Damn right I do.
W: Glad to hear that -really.
Elvis: Geting too old to be actin' like a play-boy stud-I'm a daddy, fer gawd sake! Lisa told me I was so pretty the other day, n' she said, Elvis, how come you're so pretty? 'n she named some of the guys an' said, 'they aren't pretty like you Elvis-how come? "n I told her it was cause her grandpa and grandma were pretty too, so they had a pretty baby, jus' like mommy and me had you, and you're so pretty. So she said then they will not have pretty babies? An' then I had to say that all babies look pretty and grow up pretty...they just have different kinds of pretty an' everyone is different like that. God made us all pretty in different ways and that was so we could tell each other apart, and He could also. Every person is pretty, and if you look and listen, you'll see they all are really pretty outside and most people are pretty inside too, cause God wants us to be pretty and do pretty things. That's how to be happy, try really hard to do pretty things so people will see how pretty you are inside. Should of seen her eyes-God! Could of fell into 'em they were so...so open and trusting-deep man, pools of...of Heaven!
W: That was pretty good Daddy, simple, direct.
Elvis: Thank you, 'um tryin' 'n it ain't easy...lord!

late 1972
I don't have much more left that I can pick from, that you haven't read! I gave you most of the good stuff especialy that which relates to spiritual things already. I have so little and back then I thought good grief, what am I keeping all this for-he was alive and I even recorded over some of it. I could kick myself (if my knee wasn't too stiff). I found this one among some other papers that were totally unrelated to Elvis! weird but my filing system wasn't that great and we moved 5 time since 77. Anyway, I thought it was cute and he used "pretty" plenty of times! Lisa was about 4 1/2 or thereabouts and asked him one question after another-probably just to hear him talk! He loved answering her though, and knowing him, it must have been long drawn out reponses at times. I think it was his Aunt that said to some people touring Graceland that we ran into across the street, that child used to sit on her daddy's lap and listen to him telling her things for hours, and she'd cry if she had to go to bed and he was home." They said she told them Elvis used to give her a bath, wash her hair, dry it with his blowdryer, take her to bed and then lay on her bed (that round furry one) and read to her or just hold her and sing little "dittites" until they both fell asleep. Some times he would sleep in her bed with her in his arms until someone came and woke him up. And if he didn't have to go do anything, they left him there with her. But then that all changed when she got a little older. wjh


Lisa Marie
Yes, it's easy to see that Lisa loves her dad very much and that she remembers him well. She is very much like him I think, I see her with her mom and how much Lisa tries to give her encouragement and she watches over her, boosting her up. Her daddy would do that also, and did...and it's very endearing to see Lisa has those traits and that she learned from him even in the short time she had him with her. He was so proud of her, loved her with all his being and she realized that at an early age I think. I saw a picture in a book a long time back that showed him sitting on what looked like a coffee table with his back to the camera and she was standing beside him with her arm around him, very comforting and lovingly holding on to him. That was taken some time in 76 I think, maybe around Christmas. Late in the year though, could tell by his hair and how tiredly he was sitting there, it showed even back view. wjh


Being shy
I understand that-I used to be so shy when I was younger-probably due to my parents divorcing when I was barely 5 years old, I lived with my dad, just he and I until I was about 7 and he remarried. It makes a huge difference in a kid when one parent is suddenly missing-I was not allowed to talk to, correspond with or see my mother and of course, the story I heard was not true as I found out after I was in my 40's. It took a long time for me to get over being shy-though I still am among strangers. I can make myself talk now though-then I couldn't and I don't let my feelings out in person very much. Couldn't tell it on this forum though! I even surprise myself. But it's easer to do in writing-always was for me anyway. I guess it's like Elvis said about the phone, you don't have to look at the people and see their reactions on paper either. You are very young yet, as he'd say, "jus' a baby" and with some more time and experience, you'll feel safer with your feelings showing a bit-especially if you meet some nice people whom you are comfortable with and/or trust. Meeting Elvis was a big help for me, though I never discussed him with anyone I didn't trust and know very well-usually family and friends who also talked to him now and then. I met people through him-until he came along, we didn't know many people-we hadn't been in Ca. very long-the only people here we knew were Jimmie's sister and her husband-then I met the young woman actress who introduced me to Elvis and that began a whole new cycle of relationships. He chose some truly wonderful people-it was kind of like he knew how to do that-but then he'd had lots of experience with many different types of people by that time in his life. I was 5 years younger than he and Jimmie was 3 1/2 years younger. Elvis was kind of like a big brother and very fatherly at the same time-he liked telling people what to do, being able to "bring them along" to his way of thinking. We loved him for that.
And I agree with you concerning Priscilla and Lisa, I don't think she was cold with her friends, the problem was in that line of business and that life (Hollywood etc:) it is very difficult to find people to trust. And there is a lot of betrayal and heartbreak when a friend isn't a friend after all. Especially when one is shy and young too. wjh


Mother
I can talk about it now, no problem as I'm over it. My mother was just 19 when I was born, she and my dad where living in Chetopa Kansas and he joined the Navy SeaBees during the war and was gone overseas for some time. I was tiny when he left-he didn't see me again until I was near 4 years old and then my mother had son by another man. My dad and her had not been together or even did he write her much during that 4 years or so. Anyway he had his mother pick me up to bring me to visit him -he knew that since his mom and my mother had a bond between them that she would let her bring me on the train to visit. Anyway, my dad took me to Oklahoma where he now lived and in affect stole me from her as he never let me go back. He told me she didn't want me, had another baby on the way and that she told him she didn't want me...her new boyfriend just wanted his own kids. So I lived with him and then he and his new wife. She was very jealous of his frist wife and me too. She told me horribe things about my mother, I wasn't 7 yet and believed because she had not come to get me, visit, call or write to me-she had but they didn't tell me that. Anyway, that's why-I grew up being fed a bunch of untrue things and until Elvis found my real mother and talked with her, then told me I should call her in words that was hard to say no to...then said if I couldn't speak to her, I should drop her a note and let her write to me. He said, she had some information that you NEED to know. Call her for me, please. I was appaled he interfered...but that was like him. He found out the truth, liked my mother and told her he would have me call her-or write maybe-but that I would want to see her. It was about a year but I did write, did call and she and her newest husband came to visit us in Garden Grove after Elvis' died. It was so odd, but I guess he did that knowing it would help us both and it did. She was a very nice lady whom I looked a lot like, and she loved Elvis dearly. It was just ayear later her new hubby had throat cancer and died, She said his last note to her (he could no longer talk) said, "Don't worry, Elvis is coming to meet me, he's on the way." He died about 25 minutes later, smiling happily she said looking at the entrance into his room at the hospital. She said the nurses rushed in and stopped in their tracks, they said the air was filled with cherry tobacco smoke! No smoking allowed in the ICU even then. Was it Elvis? Who knows, could have been someone walking down the hallway where they could smoke then. My step mother was so jealous of other women, step daughter and even her own daughter that it bordered on madness.
I left home because of her cruetly and assult and battery she did for no good reason when in one of her moods.
My dad had to sneak around and call me from a pay phone once in a while to speak to me--he had a son and a daughter with her and so couldn't just leave her at his age. Anyway, after she had a stroke, her whole personality sweetened and she turned into a wonderful woman. But I didn't want to see her-or be too friendly as she scared me too much when I was just a small girl. She did teach me cooking, housecleaning and everything a girl should know to make it out there but i lived in fear of what her mood would be when I got off the school bus every day of the week. I loved school-I got to get away from her. I have no ill feelings toward her, she paid a sad price the last two years of her life she was little more than a vegetable, kept alive by feeding tubes etc:. More than paid. I 'm just grateful that she was a good teacher for me-I could do everything, take care of myself, a husband, whatever and learned to be impicable at whatever- But I'm not so much now-my house is lived in and is not a "showplace" look but not touch...as was her's. I like my house-she would hate it! Good enough for me. Elvis had no idea the circumstances of my life-I never told him anything and even if he asked I gave him the least info. possible-that was just the way I was, very inward and surface personality at that time.
But he seemed to know I needed to talk to her, needed to learn the background. He didn't think my real mother was alive-and was shocked to find out. My dad told him offhandedly one day and that started the search. My step mom who had hated Elvis because of her religion, fell for him big time-she even baked him pecan pies because he slyly got her to do it. He was good at that-getting things he wanted from someone...and they usually loved doing it for him. wjh


Mother continued /......
Back then in those little towns in Kansas/Missouri and other states as well where there were people of farming communities, and not so many people either, there was poverty and those who had not weren't helped as much as today. The sheriff wasn't interested in doing anything, he liked to drink too much. My mom was poor, she had a new baby and she had a man who wasn't worth much at the time-but he was very good looking and I liked him, I remember him-his name was Earl and he used to always bring something home for me, candy, a rag doll, something.
And he laughed often and my mother was crazy about him. But as for details or any kind of real memories I don't have more than 3 that are distinct in any way. So kids forget when there is trauma and disruption I guess.
In my case, I sure did. I just hope it doesn't all come crashing back as I get older, don't think I want to recall.
Anyway, she didn't know where I was taken, and when My dad filed papers for the divorce and custody of me she didn't get the notice for some time, on the day of she said, she finally found someone who could drive her to Tulsa and they broke down on the road and couldn't get there. So I was according to the court, abandonded by my natural mother and full custody went to my dad. I saw my mom one time shortly after that, I only recall her wearing a rasberry wine colored dress and having long red hair and that she brought me a doll. She tried to keep in touch, but my stepmom was so jealous, she tore up cards etc: and returned them, gifts were also returned and I was never told about it. Just the opposite-nothing ever came for me. Anyway, that's all past and I'm fine and we did get to gether before she passed away and Elvis knew what he was doing, maybe not how severe it was but whatever, he did resolve that and even though he and I never discussed any of it, it was okay. I did tell him thanks and he said if I ever felt I wanted to or needed to talk about it, he'd play the listener for me and it would make his heart feel good to do that-he was very sweet, spoke so softly and gently and even said he was sorry he had been so blunt about doing it, but he said, "I had to." He wished he was there to hug me, and said again, it just felt like I had to. And he was right, though it was traumatic, it made everything better bewtween allof us-my dad even confessed his "evil ways" and he was no saint either-but all is forgiven and it's okay. And my mom got to talk to Elvis and she's probaly up there waiting with him too. I'm going to have a bunch of people waiting for me-her, him, my uncles, my aunt, grandma and a boy friend who was killed drag racing when he was 18. Another Capricorn too, head strong and often childishly stupid. story of my life. Wouldn't change it for anyone's. wjh

Lives
Yeah, he was a big major part of us-even now it comes and goes, yet seems to always be there. I think that's kind of the way it is for everyone -even if they didn't meet him, they might have seen him, they were bound to have heard him, and in some way he influenced them and some may not even be aware of it. He was just there-and still is in the background, when we least expect it-even in our dreams- ashe said,very serious, in that soft, on stage kind of hushed voice, "Kinda like a real rank awful stinkin the air that gets sucked in an' no matter what ya do, it keeps comin' back...bout right isn't it? Me-I mean-just keep on comin' back, over 'n over again." Then he laughed his head off. As he said, "Man, it never ends!" wjh


I was reading and boy - time flies
In 77 I was 37, five years younger than Elvis-Jimmie was 4 years younger. Jimmie changed jobs shortly after 77 and we moved away from the beach area-too many memories everywhere we looked. Starla got a job and then bought an electric guitar, amp and started learning to play-then she went looking for musicians and started her band. That took about 3 years and by then they were playing all around So. Calif. Her band was called Lonestarr...not the Lonestar band of today though. We moved further out into the desert/mountain area and had enough land for horses so I boarded some, then acquired my own, and we were off and running-we had a herd when we moved further out into the mountain/desert on more land. 4 years later we moved here and this is my last move, I hope, on this earth. Our horses have dwindled down to 4 we own and 4 we board and that's 4 too many, fortunately those will be leaving next year sometime. Anyway, it took us almost 13 years to "make" a new life for each of us but we did it...I guess I was the worst of the bunch-I tuned Elvis out as much as possible and tried not to remember or think and it worked for quite a while. I've said all the rest before-but back he came...in so many ways I couldn't keep that door shut-wjh

[Rainbow Light]

[EP talking about Joe's divorce]

Elvis: "Hey, did you hear-Joe's gettin' a divorce?
Wanda: No-I don't know those people.
Elvis: Oh-well, it was a...shock-I was best man, you know, for him. she want's it, you know. Her an' Cilla are best friends..."
Wanda: Yeah?
Elvis: Yeah-she's got a boyfriend-didn't wast any time-she an' Cilla go out. Cilla told me about the guy-it's been goin' on for months an' Joe didn't know it. He got pretty hot-but then, he's not home much-I-I-guess it's my fault there-maybe I ought to let them come over-hell, don't know. They aren't happy no matter what I do-so to hell with it! I sure do wish she wouldn't-wouldn't leave like that-they got kids-an' everything. Man, I was shook- Cilla said she's jus' tired of bein' left alone, dealin' with every thing kids an' all. An' couldn't take it anymore- An' then the rumors of other women an' all, jus' like with me-
Wanda: I saw him with a blond-it wasn't his wife.
Elvis: I know it-hell, what can I do? Have hard enough time myself!" end.


They were having troubles and separated off and on and off... it was after...I guess nearly all of them got divorces except maybe Marty Lacker....but he was no saint either. wjh

[Rainbow Light]

(This was an early piece of conversation-he askes me if I am still taping, I shut it off.)

[quote]W. You'd be faithful-if you got married-with all the women at your feet day and night-I doubt it!
E. Why-why would you?
W. You're a guy, in a very different kind of place in life and you know, most guys would be tempted and lots of them would cheat.
E. Whose facts are those? Damn it! If said I'd be, I would!
W. Reallly...
E. Damn right, an expect her whoever she may be, to be true to me! Women cheat, don't think they don't-they lie too!
W. Really...had experience with that, have you?
E. Yeah. An they are agressive types man, some of 'em lie right to my face!
W. Okay...
E. They come on ever way come Sunday!
W. You should know...
E. What does that mean? (very near a growl)
W. You're telling it!
E. Yeah-'n it's true! (Snapped out)
W. So-there have been some married ones?
E. Try to avoid 'em, but sometimes can't tell an' then they tell me later-what the hell, they don't care, why should I?
W. Really.
E. Really!
W. You'd refuse?
E. I do refuse...damn it! Don't need to get them, plenty of other ladies around...(snickers) more'n enough!
W. I bet-So Elvis has principals.
E. Damn right! Why'd you think not?
W. Oh things I've heard...read....who you are-some times I've wondered.
E. Gawd...you still tapin' this?
W. I can shut it off-want me to?
E. Yeah...do it. [quote]


We went on discussing women and men's feelings about sex etc: and love and he said that men were not made to be faithful, it was women who began to want to be able to depend on one guy, raise kids etc: and that it was as God intended and he quoted scripture about how it was good for a man to keep his wife a virgin etc: and that men should take care of their wives etc: and that women should always be true, obediant to her husband and he ought to treat her fairly, love her etc: and take care of the family in every way they needed. A man should always be there for his family, and he quoted the scripture of no greater love has a man than he lay down his life for his friends etc: and that God's one main commandment was to Love one another as He has loved us. And that meant to be fair, kind, understanding of others in their trials and misunderstandings etc: and that a man should try to be faithful to his wife, but if she is unhappy with the marriage he ought to let her go and not be bitter and revengeful. And he said he'd have a problem with that, he thought, and he wanted to be sure before he married that whomever she would be was ready to be his wife, ready to commit to him and him alone and that she would understand that he had to be free at times, to get away and do things he'd always done with music and his buddies. And that he'd always come home to his wife, his family and they'd always have the assurance he would be true and faithful and always love her and the children above all others. I recall saying that sounds like you think of it as kind of a double standard and he said, no, he'd be faithful if he had the right woman and she was true to him and loved him as he was. He didn't want her to go changing him or trying to make things her way because his life was different and he had to do certain things that she might not understand but it wouldn't be because he didn't love her. His wife would be a treasure that he would always want with him, she'd keep the home, with kids and aplace of peace and quiet for him because he needed that. She would have to understand that he had a need to have a place, a home to come to and not fuss and carry on about his being gone doing other things and he said whatever he was doing was for her, the kids and the people he cared about, she would have to understand that part of him and his life. He didn't want to be tied down and have to worry about coming home to a wife that was going to jump down his throat because he was late or he hadn't called or something.
And she wasn't to question him about what he might have been doing, some things he didn't feel a wife had to worry about, or needed to know-like business and etc: that was a man's world and he wouldn't want her involved in it. Especially not the Hollywood kind of life, that was a thing he never wanted his wife to be involved in-the party scene etc:. And unfortunately, she wanted to be and wanted to go out and be seen with him etc: and he wouldn't do it, though he did have a few friends he'd go have dinner with and etc: at his house. But those were quiet times, not the Hollywood glitz parties etc:. Not his thing-he wouldn't budge. wjh


There are many who say that Elvis was unfaithful, pushed Pris away etc: and that he cheated on her all the time, married or not. She apparently believes that or perfers to let others believe that and since none of us or the others who think they know, were present when the two of them were together they also do not know every detail of their relationship. Elvis said he wanted to be faithful to his wife, whom he adored. He wanted kids and he wanted a home life, some place he could go and relax and be himself with someone who loved him as he was-just a man (Albeit a rather unusual man) in a hard demanding line of work and one he was absorbed by most of the time, plus he needed his friends around, didn't like to be alone and got restless if he didn't have someone there to talk to etc: and do things with-other men friends. Though he wanted to have time with his immediate family too, and that was seldom so it was hard on her and on him, maybe in different ways, but still a challenge they had to get past. I still say that "if" Elvis cheated from "day one" he said he didn't and he was almost always very honest about some pretty personal things. He changed she says after the baby was born-but wasn't it that he changed at the time he did the tv special and she began to change also, to see that he was going to be "leaving" them, going to be doing live shows and wasn't going to be home? And wasn't that about the same time that there were rumors of another man in her life that Elvis found out about? Was it that they both changed at the same time? I think it was that very thing-their lives changed-she was out of the "loop" due to his career and he was out of the home life "loop" for the same reason. I think that Elvis was unable to forget that there had been another man, several in fact before the divorce came to be-so in that respect it was his fault.
He had such high expectations, no female could live up to what he expected his wife to be at all times. Maybe because he had been expected to be perfect for so many years-tried to be perfect, to be Elvis Presley day in and day out-perfect and yet he knew he wasn't, he had faults and was the first to admit to them, but still his wife was perfect-he thought so. She was all he had ever looked for in a female, he said that to me and to others.
She turned out to be human, with needs and wants that he couldn't fulfill and when his idealist view of her was broken, he couldn't accept it even though he knew he was at fault in many ways. He finally admitted in 76 that he had not done everything he could have to save their marriage. He could have done better, spent more time with her, tried harder to understand and be there when she needed him. But he had that career-and it did come first in his life because it was the means to his very life style and hers, not to mention lots of others too. He was a business he said, a machine that couldn't break down or have repairs and be just as good again-it was now or nothing. He chose now-gave up his dreams of a home and family life with a wife and kids for that career.
It was too much for any one person to have to deal with-and especially difficult for one who thought he had to be perfect, strong and steady and take care of everyone. No human could live with that kind of pressure day and night for long without developing serious physical and emotional problems-he managed to pull it off from 21 years old to 42 and 1/2 years old-that was a major feat! Only a special, gifted human being could have done what he has done and have the legacy he has today still at the top of the heap.
They can trash him all they want, but the fact remains he was a nice guy, goodhearted, generous to a fault, hard worker, tried to live up to what he thought his public wanted and he strove to do good for everyone he met or heard about in any way he could. He loved his country, he loved his God and he tried to be a good example to others, he adored his daughter and tried to instill good memories and teachings like a good daddy and only at the end of his life and after his death was there any "trashing" done to his reputation
or image...and most of that won't "stick" because too many people can see that for what it is-"trash" from people who for whatever reason "need" to put him down. I am so proud of Elvis, of having been befriended by him for what ever his reasons were and I am humbled by having been given a opportunity to tell my story to many other people who "see through" the debri and want to know and understand the man "who would be king of Rock 'n Roll". Something he said he never dreamed of doing-"playin' rock 'n roll. Hell, it's just rhythm 'n blues with a little more beat to it. Always thought I'd just be a singer, one of a group ya know, singin' gospels an' goin' around doin' those kinds of shows. Man, never even thought 'bout rock 'n roll. Guess just kinda fell into it-then couldn't back up."
I guess so buddy, you never did "back up" very well when it came to taking care of your self. wjh

[Rainbow Light]

I heard a blurb by Rick Stanley-don't know how old it was but he said that Elvis used his money, he made millions and spent it everywhere, he had a thousand dollars in savings and a million in checking when he died.
He did more to help the economy of the US than any one during his life time. I thought that was a very wise comment from Ricky. Haven't heard a peep from him in a long while-he was or appeared to be very ashamed of his mother and her ways but that was years back. She is now supposed to be trying to get out that stupid movie based on the the memories of the "only surviving person from those times who knows the whole story". uh-huh. wjh
[/quote]

[Rainbow Light]

He glued shoes to the floor and nailed some a few times-good thing they had spares! And he had the zapper thing you hold in your hand when shaking hands or something- he did that a few times. The first time I met him he had a blob of tan "baby poo" looking makeup in his hand when he shook hands with me. I couldn't imagine what it was that was goey and wet- then looked like that! He thought it was real funny though.
He got a kick out of I think it was Sylvia who had the "hairdo's" wigs. And I heard that a few times when he did have something to drink he wanted her to take him to bed-tuck him in etc: and I guess was pretty funny.
Enough so, he was blushing when told about it later. And he told me he didn't like to drink because of how he felt later and that he got "silly too" and was apt to "embarrase my self". I would have loved to see him drunk! I talked to him once when he had had a big glass of wine for some one's birthday- he was more funny and very loose lipped laughing at everything. The fact he was nearly a diabetic probably made it hit him harder than most people... I wish I had that time on tape as he was very Southern and very glib tongued... and giggling. I think it was his grandmother's birthday and she liked wine... now and then- and he said more now ---than then and giggled like a silly thing. She apparently did not feel any affects from her wine though. I have heard that Priscilla liked wine with her food and they had a well stocked bar in their LA homes though Elvis very seldom had any of that type thing. He did get drunk when she moved out with Lisa- on Gin...and Vodka. And I guess a few things were broken-like mirrors and windows. wjh


I am the same-I don't drink unless I have a very sore throat and that's the only way to numb it. Had that the first time when we moved to the beach from Oklahoma.
I couldn't swallow and barely could breathe so I did what my dad did, had Jimmie get me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I sipped on it all day-straight out of the bottle-just a sip at a time- when he got home from work late evening, I was pretty far gone I guess. Starla and he still laugh about it - I don't recall doing anything. But they sure laugh. The next day my throat was much better!wjh Elvis' cure for sore throat and bad colds- pineapple juice, apricot brandy some hot water and a tad of salt-drink it and go to bed and stay covered up-he said in a few hours you'll feel much better. We do that-it does work pretty good and you'll sleep good too. Just a 1/4th cup apricot brandy in a half glass pineapple juice and the rest hot water- That brandy is good cough syrup also.

[Rainbow Light]

That's how I have always felt as well-I was raised, steeped in, drowned with and all the etc; possible to describe growing up under the thumb of "Holy Roller" religion and beliefs...however, it gave me a foundation to grow away from and to take what I personally needed and find what else I would need as I grew into understanding. And as I said along came Elvis-who had been there as well and who had started looking for his needs and how he felt toward God and the here and now and the here after. I leaned toward the same things he did, and I questioned a great many beliefs I had learned as a child and from others as I grew up. I'm happy with myself now as far as knowing where I am going, knowing that God is and that He will answer according to your needs as HE knows what they really are-as Elvis would say, wants and needs are vastly different but people don't know that-wants are feelings and needs are spiritual necessitities for happiness within
needs go begging because wants take over as they are emotions tied to the human body-not the spiritual body.
It made sense to me-but it's difficult for most to know the difference-even when you know, sometimes it is confusing-and that is when it helps to meditate and pray for guidance and then be assured the answer will come.
It might be a suprise, but most likely will be the right one...if we give it time to work it's way out. wjh

[Rainbow Light]

Elvis was seen with many beautiful women, all types and kinds...his guys saw him with what they thought were "dogs", "coons" and "crazies" but Elvis was chosing them based on what he saw in their eyes and in their hearts...he chose them purposely because he felt that he could help them in some way to see themselves as better people, that he saw beauty in them and he did-he said all women have great beauty, someof them just haven't found it in themselves right yet...he was helping that come out for them. He also said, it sounded like he was being vain and puffed up with himself, but that wasn't it, he just wanted to give them happiness and something joyful to remember and learn from. And he was honest in saying that-though he did say that he had a better time with them because they were thrilled to be with him, never thinking he'd give them a second look and here he was with them. He admited it was flattering for him too, but the end result was he gave them beauty that they didn't realize they had, a sense of value and worth and hope for better things in their lives. And he said usually it worked out that way-they made changes and did it because he gave them the courage to try. He took pride in this "dogs" improving themselves and becoming women those guys couldn't believe looked so good when they ran in to them again. And those girls wouldn't give them the time of day! They were looking for men like Elvis -good luck in that one! My daughter always says...she's still looking. Anyway, Elvis wasn't all bad, but not l00% good either, he tried to have his heart in the right place and as he said on stage...you know- right over her heart....or in reverse order...he was being funny and people laughed...especailly when he added, you don't know what I'm talking about-we were dancing...see, face to face..standing up...yeah, it was dancing...and he looked at Ed and he laughed and nodded yes.... then he went on with his little life story routine and the movies. wjh

[Rainbow Light]

Absolutely right Laurie, we are worth more than silver or gold and we are pearls according to God's word. And as such, we shine, we have vaule and worth no matter how we look to others-The main thing I have had to learn and I suspect other people have problems with it too, is to look at myself without being critical and dumping on my self with doubts and fault finding. I have always had a problem with self image, but as Elvis said of himself, I faked it" and got by. People thought I had confidence etc: and it was all phoney, an act. Even my husband fell for that act-because he is shy and has troulbe dealing with people. I do to, I just become the other person who can do it...and it's not easy. I now have to lose weight again-I had lost 40 lbs and gained back 20 and my blood pressure and joints are acting up again...but I've been sitting too much writing etc: and not out working horses and that's the problem here. Plus it's summer and too hot for me to be outside. And so no I have to starve again=I have a weight problem since I was 48 and I blame it on Elvis because I was depressed he was gone, my life was so dull and no excitemtn and I ate all the wrong things-and then Starla began to perform and we did that and I sat around alot at clubs (didn't drink) but I ate snacks and sat around inhaleing smoke-so that didn't help. Then I got it together with the horses and lost weight and felt pretty good. The came cancer to slow me down again-oh well-got the book done from that time- I know what it is to feel insecure about how one looks, it's hard to take when people who don't know you give you those snice quick looks and their thoughts fly through your head-to your heart. A big shield, works well. I have one. I try to just throw them a smile and say, Hi, hope you're having a nice day! and it throws them, many smile then and you can see their idea of you change right there. I like doing that. A smile,
and a genuiene greeting opens the chakra of the heart...
Elvis told me that. And it's true, it does. some people are so down and glum and nasty just because they never get a smile and warm words...just never know. wjh

[Rainbow Light]

Most likely it would be his grandfather that he was very close with and "copied" somewhat in dress and actions and whom as a child he called "daddy" and he had another nick name for him but I don't recall it now. Also, he may have meant his "heavenly Father" whom he wanted so much to know and Jesus, whom he wanted to "sit at the feet" of and have "Him explain it all to me, 'cause I sure don't have the brains to figure it out!" wjh

[Rainbow Light]

Hi, thanks Maia for bringing in the fact that the "lily" is actually the Rose of Sharon flower-I didn't know that. That explains why some years ago, in a dream there was a beautiful white lily laying on my pillow. It was a hotel-something like I was at the Hilton in Vegas-a room like those. I was all dressed up, and when I came in and saw myself in the mirror it surprised me because I was "young" again-30 something-with my hair long. On the bed was the lily and it was glowing so I noticed it in the simi darkness of the room. I picked it up and it was like a "living thing" like holding something that was alive and had a heart and breathing-I woke up so quick it hurt my head and whole body because I was shocked that the flower was something "living" and not just a stalk with a flower on it kind of thing that I expected... I didn't connect that with Rose of Sharon until I read your post here-in fact, had not even thought about that dream in ages...it just came flashing back all at once. At that time I had tuned out as much of Elvis as I could, didn't want to talk or get into that at all and just had to shut it off.
Maybe he was reaching out trying to tell me something thought I didn't connect him with that dream. wjh

[Rainbow Light]

Maia! That is so weird! It reminded me of Elvis saying that "sending thoughts, prayers, messages" was like sending little bubbles out into the airwaves-they travel around the world touching people, popping, spilling their messages on those and some like prayers, continue out into space and on into eternity where they reach the living Father and the angels. Time to blow some bubbles....what a great way to put it! That is so so strange...so like Elvis on earth to relate when he was here in human form... I had "goosebombs" too! He also spoke of spending nearly half a day blowing bubbles with Lisa when she was quite little and how even when she got older she loved to play bubbles with him...and you know he told her about sending prayers and messages etc; and the bubbles anology of his...perfect for a child or spiritual seekers which he said we are all born to, we just lose our way due to the responsiblities of growing up and living through it all. Everyone needs to take a little time, he said, time to meditate or just think alone and to plan even if it is just little moments of planning - it heals the spirit and tenderizes the heart. his words...I remember getting a mental picture of a heart being "tenderized" with a wooden mallet when he said that. But then I am graphic in how I remember things...helps me to recall what I need to-wjh

[Rainbow Light]

I get so angry with the news, I read the paper and get angry, but that isn't the answer and I guess maybe those who can see and hear and know what we think and do if they choose to do that, as I think Elvis may have finally decided he had to, or else that is his purpose now that he as been 'to the best school" and we are becoming receptive and desiring to be more of service in some way to this world and it's humanity and life forms.
It would be like him to come and to say things that are recognizable as what he would have in that incarnation as Elvis- otherwise who'd believe? I have to change how I look at things as that is what I have to overcome-in order to be able to receive or give anything back. Anger burns up good intentions-and gives me high blood pressure-I need to practice what he taught...so I know my job-peace and goodwill... just words unless you live them. Okay, that's my plan to meditate on...it won't be easy-but I will give it a try. Like he said, "Never know what might happen, 'less you try it." wjh

[Rainbow Light]

He is aware of every sparrow that falls...think how many of those there are on earth-little brown busy birds that are cute and go about their business with God's helping hand to shelter and guide them. Yes they have pitfalls, they get hurt, eaten and sick (usually due to man's indifference and destruction of their habitat and natural foods and water) but they continue to be happy, the males sing and the females keep them in line-we have 3 varities here-bird houses and feeding stations as we are on a migratory bird path-I see how God's plan for them continues-just as it does for us. They trust-so must we.
But I do not doubt HE hears us-and that He so stated it when telling us He sees ever sparrow who falls, not only that, every hair on our head is numbered! wjh