Elvis - A Lighted Candle

[juliepresleyfan]

i guess you all remember i told you about my friends dad being ill with cancer and you all prayed for him, well sadly he went for a check up recently and they said to his family that his cancer is too far advanced and nothing can be done to help him, he only has about 3 to 6 months to live.
Debs is the friends name and she sent me a email about it, she seemed obviously distressed, and said they were all stunned and left reeling.
ive sent her a email back, but i wish i could do something to help her, obviously i cant , but i feel so sad about hearing that, dont know what to say to her , its a very delicate position and i want to get it right.

Her dad dosent even know how bad he is, is there any advice atall of something to say that might help maybe
julie

[Wanda June Hill]

It's hard to deal with people in that position-I know from my sis-in-law who took a year to die after doing the chemo and etc: that only made her worse off and not better as they didn't give her anything to boost her white cells like they can do now...so they have more strength and feel better. The only thing we can do is not say much about dying, but speak of the living reality of the situation...and that is your friend can be with him and enjoy what time there is and she can give him support by just being there, loving him and keeping things on an even keel. I think it better that they know they are going to die-it gives them a chance to "mend fences" if they need it, to tie up loose ends, to do what they can for their loved ones and it helps them to have those things to think of. Most people think oh no, we can't tell him/her etc: but in reality it is better that they know-for how can they fight if they don't know? And most people need to resolve it in their minds while they have strength to do it-when later comes and they suddenly "Know" it is too late to do much about their remaining lives. And to keep him pain free-that is the most important part of dying from some dire condition. To be painless as possible. That is what they did for my sis-in-law-Hospice we have here-a service that deals with people who are suffering something that will take their life eventually-but they keep them pain free-and visit and look after them and their family's emotional state of mind. I don't know if you all have that kind of thing there-but that is the first place they need to look if there is. It will help and be so much comfort knowing people are around who KNOW what to do and when to do it and how to say it. Most people know their loved one pretty well, if by chance he is a "flighty" soul and might not "take the news well" that is another thing, but if he is confidant and hardy by nature-that's another. It's a tough row to hoe, I will pray for his family and for him and for you, as a friend you will carry the burden as well, we do that you know. wjh

[juliepresleyfan]

yes thanks wanda i understand, i thought that myself i hope she does tell him as he might want to get things in order and leave a few memories of his choosing, he can do things for himself in that time, that will comfort him, so i hope she tells him.
yes we do take on the burden too, didnt know what to do for my beloved nan when she passed on in 1996, i know she loved christmas as i do so i try to keep chrisdtmas as she would like
thanks for your advice i will try to comfort my pal as best i can
julie

[Amanda Viola]

Julie,

I share with Wanda most of what she tells you. I had some experiences with terminal relatives and friends. I was the one to be able to speak with them about death, because I'm not at all afraid of it. On the contrary, my faith and confidance in all that about following our evolving process after dying, helped me a lot to share with them their feelings about it. Death is many times like a ghost, circling the situation. Nobody wants to notice it. It does not help the one bond to die, neither the family. It creates a void in the communication.

If there is fear around, fear will be communicated. If there is trust, then trust will be there. Somebody dying incomodates us because we have not a clear idea about death ourselves. The best one can do to help a family that has this situation ahead, is to bring in confidence and naturalness. We have to give an space for death, bringing in Light toward it. If we close the door to it, we do make a space for fear and pain.

Death is a beautiful door to Life, another kind of Life. It is a hopefull moment, not a tragic one. To me, what is tragic is that a person will have his/her death treated as shadowy and sad.

[Rainbow Light]

Julie, hope you will gain help and advice as from the postings above and will just add that special prayers are with you as Deb's friend that you will be given the words you need to be able to help her and her family in this time of true need. Know that you are a sensitive, compassionate soul who will be able to convey the words required at the right time.

[Amanda Viola]

Know that you are a sensitive, compassionate soul who will be able to convey the words required at the right time.

I truly believe the same, Julie.

[maia]

Death is a beautiful door to Life, another kind of Life. It is a hopefull moment, not a tragic one. To me, what is tragic is that a person will have his/her death treated as shadowy and sad.

Yes, ABSOLUTELY! This is the key. I don't know what his beliefs are, but perhaps reading him accounts of people who have experienced the "Other Side" and come back to tell about it might help. If he were to understand that what is waiting for him will the beauty of the earth he is on now, but only much, much moreso...without the pain, conflict and suffering...and that those he loves who have gone before him will be there to greet him!

Of course, it is one thing to say such words to someone. But if they hear/read accounts from those who WENT THERE and were sent back (near-death experiences) it might be more meaninful to him...I know it is to me.

[Amanda Viola]

For those interested, there's a link below related to one outstanding Lady that worked all her life investigating that matter and has some books talking about Life after dying.

I was lucky to meet her briefly, many years ago. She was a wonderful person that helped many, many people with her books. She died 2 years ago.

http://www.elisabethkublerross.com/index.html

Highly recomended.

[Rainbow Light]

Thank you for sharing this Amanda, will check it out!