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PostPosted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 4:14 am 
Jewel in the Lotus
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Location: The Netherlands
Maia, I´m so sorry about the fact you lost your Daddy at such an early age... :( Please accept my sympathy..... :oops:

Sending you my LOVE....



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Ka´rala

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"DREAMS COME TRUE in BLUE HAWAII"
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 Post subject: Here but not-
PostPosted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 11:34 am 
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Atlantis, sometimes men and some women also but usually it's the male of the species in this case, appear "cold" around their kids because they love them so deeply, they are afraid to show it for fear of "doing something wrong", "fear being too close and getting hurt", "have had a father or didn't have one, or lost one etc: and can't bear the thought of losing love again" or else they "don't know how" to show their feelings so they distance themselves emotionally as a protection ploy. It is so hard for men, especially from past generations to be emotional in front of anyone. Those were the guys who were taught not to cry, not to show any sign of "weakness" and loving is a weakness in many men's view of things. They can't "lose control" of themselves emotionally and it "cripples them" in so many ways-one being "distant and thus cold" toward their kids-especially their female children. My dad was like that in many ways-but I was his only daughter for many years-and it was just he and I for quite a while when I was 5 years old until after I turned 6. That made a difference though I was "on my own" at a boarding house quite a bit while he worked-among strangers more or less. I haven't many memories of that-so it maybe better that way than living with someone who is like that. I just thought I'd mention the above though you most likely know this anyway-it just bounced in my head and brought back a few memories for me too. I'm sure your dad does love you-he can tell others-but not you personally-sounds like "emotional fears" to me. After I was out of the house at 18, and a few years went by, I wrote my dad letters and told him how I felt and he responded with phone calls and finally one day said he loved me, missed me being with him and etc:. And we have a good relationship now-he understands and so do I. Elvis helped a lot with that-with is long nose getting in "my business" with my dad, his ex-wife my mother, and his new wife, my stepmother from the time I was 7 years old. wjh



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Wanda June Hill
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:39 pm 
Owl
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Wanda...I don't know how I managed to miss your reply. I just found it tonight. You have no idea how much your words mean to me. I know in my heart that my daddy loves me. But he has a wall built up around his heart. His mother abandoned him at birth and his dad turned him over to his mom to raise him (my dad's grandmother). He is an alcoholic who has buried his pain under the vise of drunkeness. He has often told me, while drunk (only while drunk) that he knows he has not been there for me and that he was sorry. He swore to himself as a child that he would never treat his children the way he had been treated. But, alas, history repeated itself. He just recently told my mother that he was not equipped to be a father. We recently met for dinner for my birthday. It was horrendous. He was drunk and mean. I just turned 35. It has taken all these years to realize that there is no changing him and that I should pity him instead of feel hatred towards him. I can finally begin to let go of that pain. You are such a blessing, Wanda. I'm SO HAPPY that you and your father were able to patch things up. That is such a gift. But my father has been a gift to me, as well. He has been my greatest teacher. And I believe it was planned to be this way. He has taught me a lot about myself through all of the pain. Bless you, WJH.



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PostPosted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 12:03 am 
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Thank you Atlantis, I will pray for your dad that his need for "pain release" will change and you two have understanding and make peace and that love will come to him before it's too late for real time; however in the afterlife there can be release and understanding and a closeness that one didn't ever have while in real time. You understand where he's coming from, therefore his relief and release from torment he is doing to himself for what was past, his fear of being inadaquate with his family, really has nothing to do with you as his child, it is all to do with his past. Some times people, women too, just can't get over the past-the fears have been so implanted they can't pull them up. God's will be done.
and He has already given you so much in understanding and patience. My best to you Atlantis, you sound to me like a wonderful daughter. wjh



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PostPosted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 12:45 am 
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Everything you have said makes so much sense. Especially when you said "the fears have been so implanted that they can't pull them up". This is one of the major lessons I have learned from him. I now know without a doubt that they CAN be pulled up. It just takes hard work and positive intention. Thank you for your prayer. When I read what you wrote about being able to connect in the afterlife, I nearly fell out of my chair (I often do that while reading this site!!). My father's father has been gone since June 5, 1993. We lead an estranged life due to many reasons. But I always felt his love with me though he was never there physically. I was about to confront him with many bones to pick, due to the way he treated my dad and the consequences we experienced because of that (my mother, brother and I). Then he died. But his death put me on the path to where I am now, just like the one Elvis has inspired me to go down. Through his death (my grandfather's), I have been able to "pick those bones" with him. I am now closer to him than I ever was during his life. I "know" him and I KNOW the answers to all of those bone questions I was going to pick. I have to tell you here...I have always had a feeling that my dad was going to die while I was young. As in any given second. I've always understood that as soon as my dad crossed over, he would understand everything, including the pain I experienced, as well as the growth, that was due to him. When we met last week for my birthday, I went back to his house after dinner. He was reminiscing about the past. Something he said (I cannot remember what) let me know that he would be going soon. I know I've read in more than one place that Elvis made some cryptic remarks before his death. It just struck me as I looked at my dad that he wouldn't be around much longer. I hope I'm wrong. I like to think I have been a good daughter but I often wonder what else I could have done to help him. But I know I've done the best I can. Thank you so much for listening, Wanda, and for anyone else who may have read this. Y'all are SUCH A BLESSING. We are all gathered here for a purpose. And I truly believe that Elvis has soooooo much to do with that. Bless his heart. Love you all. [/quote]



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PostPosted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:24 pm 
Jewel in the Lotus
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And bless your heart too in the loving and positive way you have chosen to look at, deal with and learn from your own personal experience and situation. It sounds like you and your Dad both have learnt much from what has happened and I wish you and your family all the very best!


Agree completely with you, Sue!

Atlantis,

You are such a beautiful soul. Loves shines through you, in everything you say. And, I believe that difficult lives, honor those that take them into positive. Image



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Elvis said: "LOVE is what it's all about." :*::*: Now I know it's true.
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:47 pm 
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Many thanks, ladies! Thank you for all of your kind words. This is such a great place. It really DOES make you stronger like someone wrote when I first started posting. :D



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PostPosted: Mon Oct 02, 2006 9:10 am 
Jewel in the Lotus
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Ka´rala

http://www.youtube.com/user/thebluebutterfly4u

"DREAMS COME TRUE in BLUE HAWAII"
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