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 Post subject: The right words-
PostPosted: Fri Sep 22, 2006 11:00 am 
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It's hard to deal with people in that position-I know from my sis-in-law who took a year to die after doing the chemo and etc: that only made her worse off and not better as they didn't give her anything to boost her white cells like they can do now...so they have more strength and feel better. The only thing we can do is not say much about dying, but speak of the living reality of the situation...and that is your friend can be with him and enjoy what time there is and she can give him support by just being there, loving him and keeping things on an even keel. I think it better that they know they are going to die-it gives them a chance to "mend fences" if they need it, to tie up loose ends, to do what they can for their loved ones and it helps them to have those things to think of. Most people think oh no, we can't tell him/her etc: but in reality it is better that they know-for how can they fight if they don't know? And most people need to resolve it in their minds while they have strength to do it-when later comes and they suddenly "Know" it is too late to do much about their remaining lives. And to keep him pain free-that is the most important part of dying from some dire condition. To be painless as possible. That is what they did for my sis-in-law-Hospice we have here-a service that deals with people who are suffering something that will take their life eventually-but they keep them pain free-and visit and look after them and their family's emotional state of mind. I don't know if you all have that kind of thing there-but that is the first place they need to look if there is. It will help and be so much comfort knowing people are around who KNOW what to do and when to do it and how to say it. Most people know their loved one pretty well, if by chance he is a "flighty" soul and might not "take the news well" that is another thing, but if he is confidant and hardy by nature-that's another. It's a tough row to hoe, I will pray for his family and for him and for you, as a friend you will carry the burden as well, we do that you know. wjh



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Wanda June Hill
author of "We Remember, Elvis" & "Elvis - Face to Face"
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 22, 2006 1:38 pm 
Jewel in the Lotus
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Julie,

I share with Wanda most of what she tells you. I had some experiences with terminal relatives and friends. I was the one to be able to speak with them about death, because I'm not at all afraid of it. On the contrary, my faith and confidance in all that about following our evolving process after dying, helped me a lot to share with them their feelings about it. Death is many times like a ghost, circling the situation. Nobody wants to notice it. It does not help the one bond to die, neither the family. It creates a void in the communication.

If there is fear around, fear will be communicated. If there is trust, then trust will be there. Somebody dying incomodates us because we have not a clear idea about death ourselves. The best one can do to help a family that has this situation ahead, is to bring in confidence and naturalness. We have to give an space for death, bringing in Light toward it. If we close the door to it, we do make a space for fear and pain.

Death is a beautiful door to Life, another kind of Life. It is a hopefull moment, not a tragic one. To me, what is tragic is that a person will have his/her death treated as shadowy and sad.



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Amanda Viola

Elvis said: "LOVE is what it's all about." :*::*: Now I know it's true.
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 22, 2006 2:56 pm 
Jewel in the Lotus
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Quote:
Know that you are a sensitive, compassionate soul who will be able to convey the words required at the right time.


I truly believe the same, Julie. :)



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Amanda Viola

Elvis said: "LOVE is what it's all about." :*::*: Now I know it's true.
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 9:19 pm 
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Quote:
Death is a beautiful door to Life, another kind of Life. It is a hopefull moment, not a tragic one. To me, what is tragic is that a person will have his/her death treated as shadowy and sad.


Yes, ABSOLUTELY! This is the key. I don't know what his beliefs are, but perhaps reading him accounts of people who have experienced the "Other Side" and come back to tell about it might help. If he were to understand that what is waiting for him will the beauty of the earth he is on now, but only much, much moreso...without the pain, conflict and suffering...and that those he loves who have gone before him will be there to greet him!

Of course, it is one thing to say such words to someone. But if they hear/read accounts from those who WENT THERE and were sent back (near-death experiences) it might be more meaninful to him...I know it is to me.



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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Sep 24, 2006 7:13 am 
Jewel in the Lotus
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For those interested, there's a link below related to one outstanding Lady that worked all her life investigating that matter and has some books talking about Life after dying.

I was lucky to meet her briefly, many years ago. She was a wonderful person that helped many, many people with her books. She died 2 years ago.

http://www.elisabethkublerross.com/index.html

Highly recomended.



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Amanda Viola

Elvis said: "LOVE is what it's all about." :*::*: Now I know it's true.
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